birthday boy

today this baby is ONE.
He is amazing.
He is the happiest baby in the world.
I can't believe that a whole year has passed.
Waaaay too fast.
But, my love for this little boy has grown every.single.day.

When Ben was born, I was nervous that I wasn't going to love his as much as I loved Jax. How could I?  I already had a baby who owned my heart.  I was nervous that Jax would always hold a special place in my heart because he was my first baby.  And, Jax does have a special place in my heart.  But, just as true is the special place Ben holds in my heart.  It is amazing how much you learn that you can love once you become a mom.  I now know that there was no reason for me to worry about having enough love to share with Jax and Ben.  My love grew instantly the second I saw him.  He is so happy.  He is precious.  I love him so much.

Let's take a little trip back in time over the last year..
Swimming.  Oh how he hates these water wings!  But, they are forced on him.  It makes me sane at the pool.  But, one thing he does love is his ba ba.
Merry Christmas 2009!  Having two little boys so close in age hasn't been easy. :)  But, I am so so happy that they are both here and so close in age.  If I knew how wonderful it would be for them, I maybe would have even planned it this way. :) I am happy for them to always have a friend.  They are best buds.  Ben adores Jax and wants to play with him all day long.
I think since Jax was only 16 months old and not old enough to really know better, he didn't have a hard time having a new baby in the house at all.  He just acted like it was normal.  It was like Ben belonged here, and he knew it.  
Bringing this little man home from the hospital was pretty crazy.  Jax was staying at his grandma's, and I was a little scared to pick Jax up and have two babies to take home.  The first two months were for sure the hardest.  I felt guilty the entire two months.  I felt like I had two babies who were dependent on me for everything.  I felt like no matter what I was doing someone was always getting neglected.  It was hard.  But, I love Ben as a one year old and Jax as a two year old.  It is so much easier to play with them both at the same time and not feel like someone is being neglected.
His entrance into this scary world.  This is literally seconds after he took his first breath.  He is still covered in that weird creamy stuff, whatever it is.  But, this is a special moment for me.
  This is the first time we looked into each other's eyes.  This is the moment that my life changed for a second time.  This is the moment I fell in love with Ben.

Oh my birthday boy, how I love you.  I haven't cried yet.  But, that doesn't mean I will make it through the whole day with dry eyes.  I am so sad you aren't my tiny, little baby anymore.  But, I am so happy that you are my big boy who I can play and interact with.  Every single age I say, "Oh, this is the BEST!"  And, right now I can honestly say, "Oh, this is the BEST!"  Heavenly Father has made it clear to me that you were sent to our family for a special reason.  I know that our family needs you.  I know that Jax needs you.  I am so grateful that although we weren't planning on you coming to our family quite so soon, that Heavenly Father knew better.  He was right.  In retrospect I know this.  I know how important it is for you and your brother to be so close.  You have helped my testimony to grow by teaching me how much Heavenly Father knows what life has in store for us, and how He knows what we are going to need down the road.  I feel like you were a little angel sent to our family.   We love you so much baby boy.
(Well, I just started to cry. Forget that no crying business.)

 I love this little birthday man!!!!

Some of the things my little one year old Benny does:
-walks in downward dog on any surface that isn't soft on the knees
-crawls to the bathroom when I say, "Do you want to get in the tub?"
-l.o.v.e.s yogurt
-smiles on command for a photo
-is totally social.  he wants everyone to be his bud.
-is OBSESSED with his mom.  literally.
-thinks everyone's name is da da.
-says, "hi da." when Chase walks in the door from work.
-waves "bye, bye" like a champ.
-knows when you are eating candy and demands that you share.
-follows Jax around.
-does the funniest squinched nose smile.
-walks along things (but hasn't quite dared to walk on his own yet)
-flails his arms with excitement when I say, "Let's go outside."



Andrew and Jenna said...

Happy Birthday Ben! What a cute post. Your boys are so lucky to have you as their mama. I still remember exactly where I was when I got your text saying that Ben was born. Can't believe it's already been a year! Cash will be 6 months next week and I'm even having a hard time with that, ha!

sarah said...

Oh I am so with you on the first birthday!! Sniff sniff. I'm glad to know that second babies can be just as yummy and just as loved....I worry about that already for whenever the time comes for Jack to be a brother.
Enjoy the day! You're lucky to not only have one sweet & adorable boy...BUT TWO!! Happy Birthday Ben!

Austin & Andrea said...

Ohhh such a cute post. I loved reading that!! That year flew by!!!