5.29.2010

How Did I Get Here?

For about the last week or so I feel like I have been having an out of body experience.  I look at my life, where I am, and what I am doing and can't believe I am where I am.  How did it happen?  And, how did it happen so fast?

Tonight Chase and I went to a movie at the same theatre that we went to on one of our very first dates.  As we sat in the movie and he held my hand and rubbed my arm, I couldn't help but think that it felt the exact same as one of our very first dates that was almost 5 years ago.  FIVE YEARS AGO?  I can't believe that.  How in the world has this much time passed?

Honestly, if you would have asked me ten years ago what I would be doing when I was 25, I am doing exactly what I imagined and planned on doing.  I would be married, have kids, and be a mom.  I have planned on doing exactly what I am doing for as long as I can remember.  But, I just can't believe it is here.  I felt like I spent so many years planning on getting married and having a family and once it actually happened, time just began to FLY.

The last few days every time I load my two kids into the car, cook macaroni, spend my time cleaning up blocks, or make bottles I just can't believe that I have two kids.  I am a mom.  Sure, I came to terms with the fact that I was a mom over two years ago.  But, now I am like a mom.  I spend my days cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, playing with magformers, driving miniature cars, and going to the park.  I don't know why, but lately I just am baffled by this.  I can't believe I am already here.  I can't believe that I am already at this stage of life.

I think about ELEVEN years ago when I started high school how I felt so old with so many plans.  Looking back, although that seems like a total different lifetime it feels like yesterday.  I look at myself now and can't believe that was eleven years ago.  Oh my gosh!  Eleven years flys.  I seriously can't even think about it going the other way.  Jax will be a teenager, and Ben will be passing the sacrament!!!

Not quite sure where this is going, but this is all I have been able to think about for some reason.  Perhaps it is my prompting to enjoy my phase of life because it will be over soon.  I really just can't believe I am already here.  I am already in the phase of life of having my own family that continues to grow.  I am already an adult with my own responsibilities.  How did I get here?  How did Chase and I get here so fast?  Tonight when we were at the movie, it felt like just last weekend we were on our second date, and I was just praying he'd get up the guts to hold my hand or kiss me.  

Time is an interesting thing.  Sometimes it feels like it couldn't move any faster and other times you want it to move faster.  But, I guess in all this jibberish of thought I am grateful for where I am and know that no matter if you are in sunny times or stormy times, you can't wish time away. 

5 comments:

Steffani Dastrup said...

I have totally been feeling the same way! I went to my sis in laws grauation last night, and it was so surreal that it's been 8 years since we were sitting there! not just 2 or 3... but 8! So much has happened since then, but I can't quite figure out where the time has gone! I wanted to stand up and yell to all the graduates to enjoy these next 10 years because they go by too fast!

sarah said...

Oh Goldie. The whole "time" thing completely blows my mind. I seriously just don't get it. I spend so much time thinking these exact same things. Kind of freaks me out.
Weren't we just in Cedaaar drinking out of those massive mugs and getting our daily penny candy fix? I swear I can still see the face of Waskel. Oh, Dennis.
How bout we get together before another 10 years bite the dust?

sarah said...

Oh...and can't you still see Mrs. Voss' hair crystal clear in your mind? I can see her weird daughter in the back of the room eating out of the cupboard of pringles and whatever else was in her stash! Remember when you accused me on the playground of not playing with people who didn't get their clothes at Gap Kids? I tell you, sister, we've got a lot of time warped memories...and now I feel OLD.

annie and jared said...

I completely agree Goldie.. it actually stresses me out really bad to think about it. I have to remind myself to just enjoy life while Olive is little and not worry about it so much.

Konold's said...

I totally get this. Sometimes at night I am so happy I can't sleep.