3 Weeks Old

My baby Ben is 3 weeks old.  The last 3 weeks have been so wonderful and so hard at the same time.  Ben is the sweetest, best baby.  He is perfect.  I love holding him when he is swaddled tight in a blanket.  I love when he lays on my chest and falls asleep.  I love his full head of hair.

The last 3 weeks have been everything I could have ever imagined.  But, they have also been harder than I ever imagined.  Not only am I tired and feeling pretty frazzled (not to mention dealing with a bout of Swine Flu in the middle of everything else), I have never felt so much guilt in my life.  I am SO happy that Ben is here and know that Jax is going to love his brother and love having a playmate.  However, I feel so guilty when I am holding one of them or giving one of them attention while the other is left alone.

When I hold Jax, I feel bad that Ben isn't being held.  When I am holding Ben, I feel like I should be playing with Jax.  The guilt has for sure been the worst part.  I have a feeling this guilt is going to come back every time I have a new baby.

But, other than the guilt, these last 3 weeks have been amazing.  I never thought I could love a baby as much as I love Jax.  But, the second I laid eyes on Ben, he stole my heart the exact same way Jax did.  It is amazing how my capacity to love grew so much so fast.  

Baby Ben, we are so happy you are part of our family.

Brooke is one amazing photographer!!!


Lyssa said...

What a cutie! Those pics are fabulous.
And the guilt is normal but don't worry! It's all in your head! Jax is so small that he probably doesn't even know what is going on. Plus, For a year plus, it's been just you and Jax. You've had your one on one time with him. Now there is another sibling that needs and gets some attention too! Things will get better! I love having these 2 munchkins and they are so fun to watch as they play. And i'm even more excited to throw in another baby in the mix because I know the girls will love him as much as I will. Just relax and enjoy the newborn stage while you can because it goes by way too fast.


Goldie your kids are so stinkin cute! I can imagine the guilt. I think that would be totally normal and I am sure I will be the same way when the time comes. Congrats on the little one. YOur kids are adorable.

sarah said...

Hang in there man...I can only imagine. I have finally come to grips with my little Jack getting older and bigger every day- I'm sure the guilt will begin to disappear with time as well(however, I'm beginning to think that guilt just comes with motherhood!)
Darling pictures...I still have to see him in person!

Kristen said...

Goldie and Family!!

I just want you to know we are praying for your fast healing from this flu. I also wanted to share a fun little Charlotte story with you. When Jac told Char that your family was sick Char folded her arms and had the whole family say a prayer for you guys. She sure loves her Aunt Dodie and Uncle Tase and cousins Jax and Ben. Please let us know if there is anything we can do. You are all in our prayers. Get well soon!!

Kristen Compton

Jeff and Brandi said...

Oh my my...cute boys. I love those bright eyes/surprise look from Ben. lets still plan on lunch soon. No restraunt please! My child is a crazy man! He and Jax could cause some chaos.

Jessica Peterson said...

I can't believe you have two little boys! What a little family. He us so cute I especially love the picture with the cocked head and smile! Congratulations!

Renae said...

Oh he is so cute! I love the hair. :)

annie and jared said...

cute pics goldie.. ben and jax are similar but definately have their own look!

Chablis said...

Oh Goldie! Those pictures are breathtaking! Congratulations, I'm so happy for you.

Give it another couple of weeks. Your guilt will go away and Jax will be getting more use to Ben, and all will be good. When Ben gets a little older and can respond to Jax, magic will happen. (sounds cheesy, but I couldn't think of a better word) Seriously, they will be best friends and I don't think there is a better feeling as a parent.

Best wishes!!