It's official.
I'm about to lose it.
I feel like my ship is just about to sink.

Ben has thrush again.
Thus, I have thrush again. 
I have never been more miserable.  Ever.
When he is hungry I fight back the tears.  I don't want to feed him because it hurts so badly.

He also doesn't want to go to bed until at least midnight.  This isn't that great when I have to be up, ready, have Ben nursed with him and Jax in tow, and off to work at 8:00am three days a week.

That's early when you have no sleep.

And did I mention poor little Ben has the worst gas on the planet?  His little colicy belly is making him hurt.  His crying when the his belly is tense is making me hurt.

Now, as for Jax he can't live without Mickey Mouse.  He has figured out where the TV power button is.  If you even think about turning it off so he doesn't watch TV all day long he throws a fit.  Body thrown on the ground, crying.  Wonderful.

This having two babies thing is a lot harder than I was anticipating.  Every night I pray that I will be more patient and that I will be able to figure this thing out.  

But, as for now I am tired.  I am in serious pain from thrush.  Help!!


This little guy...

is ONE MONTH old!

I can't believe that Ben has already been here for a month!  If you would have asked me two weeks ago how it was going, I would have maybe told you that the last few weeks had been hell, but thankfully I can now say that life as a family of 4 is wonderful!

When Chase got Swine Flu about 2 weeks ago, things got a little hectic for me.  I had to pack up both of my little boys, myself, and about 9 bags of diapers, clothes, bottles, toys, etc. and go stay at my parents for a week.  The first day we were there I realized Ben had thrush.  He had also, through nursing, passed it along to me which made nursing MISERABLE!  Although I got lots of help from my mom, it was still really hard not being in my own place and Jax not having his own bed.  Finally, we came home.  

The next day Jax seemed to be on his death bed.  I took him to the doctor who said that he for sure had Swine Flu.  He didn't have me take him to the hospital for the official test because he said it wasn't all that accurate and was painful.  But, he said that since Chase had just had it and with all Jax's symptoms he was pretty much 100% that it was Swine Flu.  Then, the doctor gave me the terrible news that Ben needed to be isolated from Jax.  They were much more worried about Ben getting it than Jax.

Chase obviously had to continue going to work so, I had to be with my poor little sick Jax.  We couldn't send him away to get others sick so, I had to send Ben to Chase's parents house so he wouldn't get sick.  It was terrible!  I bawled the whole drive over there, when I dropped him off, and the whole time I drove back home.  I couldn't believe that I had to leave my little 2 week old!  Also, I am nursing him, and he had never had a bottle in his whole life.  I hadn't had any advance notice to pump milk so, I dropped the little guy off with a bottle and can of formula hoping he'd take it.

Chase's mom did such a wonderful job with Ben and letting me know how he was doing all day long so that I wasn't too sad.  Jax woke up every hour that night.  But, in the morning he was 100% fine.  No fever.  No congestion.  No throwing up.  Happy as can be.  As the morning went on I was so confused how he could be feeling so good already.  I called the doctor and explained.  They told me that there is no way it was Swine Flu then because symptoms do not go away that fast...as I knew since Chase was on his death bed for a week and then SO weak for the next 5-7 days.  That night, Chase and I went to pick up Ben.

Now, Jax is sleeping through the night, Ben no longer has thrush, Chase has fully recovered from that blasted Swine Flu, and I am feeling SO MUCH more relieved than a few weeks ago!  It has been a little bit of a rough start for little Ben.  But, now that the dark sickness cloud that was hanging over us has left, things are great!  

Ben is the sweetest little baby.  Finding out I was pregnant with him was quite the surprise, and not just because I was already 18 weeks along!!  But, I am so grateful that I have him - even being so close to Jax.  I think him and Jax are going to have so much fun playing together in the years to come.  Ben is SO tolerant.  Jax loves to hug him.  Jax doesn't exactly understand the meaning of being soft yet, but Ben just takes it like he wants to be friends and will suffer through a little roughness if he has to.

I am so happy that as the month has progressed things have gotten better.  Let's just hope this goodness continues for the months to come.


3 Weeks Old

My baby Ben is 3 weeks old.  The last 3 weeks have been so wonderful and so hard at the same time.  Ben is the sweetest, best baby.  He is perfect.  I love holding him when he is swaddled tight in a blanket.  I love when he lays on my chest and falls asleep.  I love his full head of hair.

The last 3 weeks have been everything I could have ever imagined.  But, they have also been harder than I ever imagined.  Not only am I tired and feeling pretty frazzled (not to mention dealing with a bout of Swine Flu in the middle of everything else), I have never felt so much guilt in my life.  I am SO happy that Ben is here and know that Jax is going to love his brother and love having a playmate.  However, I feel so guilty when I am holding one of them or giving one of them attention while the other is left alone.

When I hold Jax, I feel bad that Ben isn't being held.  When I am holding Ben, I feel like I should be playing with Jax.  The guilt has for sure been the worst part.  I have a feeling this guilt is going to come back every time I have a new baby.

But, other than the guilt, these last 3 weeks have been amazing.  I never thought I could love a baby as much as I love Jax.  But, the second I laid eyes on Ben, he stole my heart the exact same way Jax did.  It is amazing how my capacity to love grew so much so fast.  

Baby Ben, we are so happy you are part of our family.

Brooke is one amazing photographer!!!


4th of July

My little Salt and Pepper boys
This 4th of July I busted out my new double stroller and we hit up the Hidden Oaks parade and breakfast. It started at 9:00am. I honestly had to get up at 6:30am to nurse and get myself, Jax and Ben ready. Early activities aren'y very easy with 2 babies.
Most of the parade going crew eating breakfast...Milo couldn't turn to look at the camera because he was too busy eating a whole pancake!
Chase and Jax
Proof that Ben was showing his patriotism at the parade.

Jax couldn't have had more fun walking around the neighborhood park and playing on the swing set. Party!

Me and Jax. Jax thought these horses in the parade were the coolest thing ever.


Swine Flu

Well, it's official. Chase is a confirmed case of SWINE FLU! Last night Chase started feeling sick. In the middle of the night he was soooo hot. I don't know what his temperature was, but I am pretty sure it was probably dangerously high. He woke up and got ready for work. He kept saying how he should call in sick, but ended up going anyway. At about 4:00 this afternoon he couldn't take it anymore. He went to the doctor and was tested for swine flu....and he is a confirmed case.
Having two kids under 2, hanging around the swine flu is not exactly ideal. Chase's doctor said that he should not be around Jax and Ben. So, I had to pack my bags (and I mean BAGS...it takes a lot of gear to handle two little babies). Chase will be contagious for 5-7 days. I had to take Jax and Ben and go to my parents. We have to keep our distance so that my two little squishies don't get really sick. And, don't worry because I started to cry when I had to leave my sick little Chase at home all alone to try and recover...and hopefully not die!!
So, wish us luck. Poor Chase is MISERABLE. I really hope that it doesn't spread through the whole family. Poor Chaser...


Happy Anniversary!

Today Chase and I celebrate being married for 3 years!  Yahoo!!

In 3 years 

we have had 2 kids....wow...

and we have become best of friends!

I seriously can't believe that we have been married for 3 years!  But, at the same time when I think about it, it feels like I have been with Chase forever.  We are seriously the most perfect match.  (Don't gag.)  Everything he is not, I am.  Everything I am not, he is.  My weaknesses are his strengths.  His weaknesses are my strengths.  I feel so lucky that I ended up with him.

I can remember every detail of this day 3 years ago.  I remember getting ready, waiting for Chase to come pick me up to go to the temple, getting to the temple late, and looking at Chase across the alter.  But, the thing I remember most is how HUGE of a smile Chase had the whole day.  Every time he looked at me his face was totally lit up.  I remember seeing how happy he was and knowing that no one had ever loved me more.

At our luncheon I remember my dad talking and telling Chase how happy he was that I found him because it was so obvious how much he loved me and that you could tell how much he loved me just by seeing him look at me.  I am so lucky!  

I feel like I am married to the most wonderful person in the world.  He is perfect.  Really.  He has every quality someone could ever wish their spouse to have - and he is HOT on top of it all!!!

The last 3 years have been wonderful ~ even with their ups and downs.  All I know is that we better not have two more kids in the next three years!!


Jax's Newest Loves

Poor little Jax has realized that there is now another baby in the house.  He is actually doing really well and doesn't seem too sad.  For the most part he just ignores Ben, giving him an occasional kiss, hug, and even one hit right in the face.  He has for sure made a transition from being a true mama's boy to being a daddy's boy.

Jax, however, has been doing his best to try and claim some of Ben's stuff.

Jax trying to squeeze into Ben's car seat.

Jax gathered a bunch of his toys and put them, and himself, in Ben's Moses basket.

Once again, Jax is trying to claim this Moses basket for himself.

And, yet again.


Jax's second new love is TV - specifically Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  We have to DVR the episodes!  He will walk up to the TV and point the remote until it is turned on.  I have to leave my house often just so Jax isn't watching TV all day long.  I know that little kids watch cartoons, but I have been feeling guilty letting him watch TV so much.  But, he absolutely LOVES it...and I need a babysitter while I am nursing.  Terrible, I know.

Jax's favorite spot.

This new love is doing NOTHING for his posture!



Ben Kent Gunderson
June 25, 2009
2:58 am
7 lbs. 8 oz.
20 1/2 inches

Jax holding Ben for the first time

Ben leaving the hospital - He is SO tiny in his carseat!!

Me and my TWO boys!!
(I know I look haggared.)

First Family Photo
Proud Daddy


Baby Ben

Okay, it is time to tell you all Ben is finally here...and has been for 8 whole days!!  I have been wanting to share his cuteness with the whole world, but my stupid computer is struggling to add pictures to my posts.  (Any technical advice is welcome.)  And, who wants to hear about a newborn if they can't catch a glimpse of how adorable they are?  Well, I figured I'd post anyway.  But, I WILL figure out this picture thing shortly.  But trust me - he is worth the wait!

I was scheduled to be induced Wednesday, June 24.  But due to some huge baby boom, they were too full to induce me.  When the hospital called me with that news it took everything in me to hold back the uncomfortable, highly emotional, 9-months pregnant tears.  But, lucky for me, I went into labor myself that night.  The hospital then didn't have a choice!! 

Ben was born at 2:58am Thursday, June 25.  My contractions were MURDER for about an hour because the hospital didn't really want to keep me.  They didn't have one, single room available in mother/baby and were trying to keep any "fakers" out of the hospital.  So, they made me suffer in an evaluation room for an hour.  I was pretty much the screaming/crying girl on the movies and called a nurse to save me after only 30 minutes.  Poor Chase just sweetly held my hand and looked at me not really knowing what to do to help.  He was so sweet.  I had progressed enough in 30 minutes for them to believe me and let me stay.  Thank goodness!!

I got an epidural just in the nick of time because the anesthesiologist was called in the middle of my epidural to go to a C-section.  He finished me, thankfully, and left another poor girl in labor waiting for him to go and do a C-section first!!!  Poor girl!!  Lucky me!!!!!!

After I was fully medicated (thank goodness) it was a breeze!  It went so fast.  After literally 2 pushes Ben was here. 7 pounds 8 ounces.  He is absolutely perfect.  He somehow has a full head of dark brown hair and tan skin.  I was shocked!  Since Jax is so pale and has white hair, Chase and I were a little confused that this little dark baby was ours!

He is so tiny, precious, and TIRED!  I forgot how much newborns sleep.  But, please stay tuned for pictures.  He might be tied (with Jax of course) for the cutest baby ever!