4.24.2009

My Poor Baby

Today has been a rough day.  My head aches from crying too much.  My eyes are puffy and bright red.

Jax had an appointment with Dr. Heidi Hares (who I LOVED) - an ear, nose, and throat specialist - today.  He has had 5 ear infections in the last 6 months.  The current ear infection he has has been the never ending one.  He has taken two oral antibiotics and received 5 shots to try and take care of it.  No luck.  So, today we had our consultation with the ENT Specialist to talk about getting tubes in his ears.

When Jax was born he failed the hearing test in the hospital.  I was a nervous wreck when this happened.  Although it happens to 10% of newborn babies who can hear perfectly, I just couldn't believe that my baby failed the hearing test.  We took the little man home awaiting his 2nd test ten days after he was born.  Chase gave him a blessing that he would be okay and that his ears would work, and I am convinced that is why ten days later Jax was hearing perfectly.

Well, with all the ear infection difficulty we have been having and everyone telling me how it can cause hearing loss and speech delay, I have been very concerned with Jax's hearing.  The anxiety I felt when I found out he failed the newborn hearing test all came back.  The last few days I have just really felt that he can't hear me.  I have felt like he doesn't respond to commands, doesn't look at me when I say his name, and is saying no words.  I am the biggest worrier out there, but I felt like my worries had some merit with his history.

So, today we went to the ENT doctor.  My pediatrician referred me to get tubes in Jax's ears.  But, I wanted to go for two reasons:  1 - to have a conciliation/schedule surgery for tubes and 2 - to have Jax take a hearing test.

The doctor and all the nurses were great.  Everything about the place was great - except the most important thing.  Jax was first given the hearing test.  He failed.  In his left ear he failed completely.  His right ear failed, but is a little better than his left.  I lost it when the nurse told me that news.  I was right.  My little baby wasn't hearing me.  He isn't talking because he can't hear a word I am saying.

Although this news has ruined my day, it doesn't mean that Jax is deaf.  It doesn't mean he is never going to be able to hear or talk.  The hearing test Jax was given today is the same test newborns are given.  The machine sounds a few beeps in the ear and records whether the cochlea  is responding.  Because Jax failed the test, his cochlea is obviously not responding.  But, this is most likely because there is a large amount of puss and fluid behind his eardrum.  

In 2 weeks Jax will have to go to the "Same Day Surgery" part of the hospital for his tubes.  I know that SO many kids get tubes and that it really isn't too big of a deal.  However, I have been so emotional about it because this isn't the first time he has failed the hearing test.  But, at the same time knowing that he did pass when he was ten days old gives me confidence that he is going to be okay.

I just feel so bad for this little guy.  In 6 days he will be 15 months old.  He should be talking and understanding me when I talk.  But, he isn't.  He isn't because he hears nothing I am saying.   I feel like I have been getting worked up the last few months over him not being as "advanced" with talking and obeying commands as other babies his age.  I have felt like I need to talk to him more than I do because he isn't talking back.  I have felt almost embarrassed when other moms with babies the same age show off all the words their baby knows and all the commands they can preform.  I have felt like my baby was behind.  And, of course, I have felt like it was my fault.

All of this made me feel bad that I have been working about 12 hours a week with other people's kids, and that I should have been trying to teach him things instead of tutoring other people's kids.  But, I guess that is the job of a mom - to be concerned about your baby and care about your baby.

But, now my feelings have changed.  I no longer am worried about the competition of whose baby is smarter, whose baby can say more words, whose baby can do more.  I am sure that Jax has felt none of the pressure.  I sure hope not.  He is the happiest, best baby in the world.  He hasn't seemed to complain at all.  I feel terrible that I have been trying so hard to get Jax to act out commands I give him and to say words when he can't even hear me!!

All my emotional feelings aside, I know everything is going to be okay.  I know that the blessing that Chase gave Jax 15 months ago is still with him.  I know that his hearing is going to be okay.  I am very anxious for May 5th.  The doctor told me that he should be hearing better and possibly even talking within 2 weeks of the surgery.  I hope that she is right.

17 comments:

Camie and Rich said...

Hey Goldie ...
You are being a really great advocate for Jax. He is still young and I'm sure he will make great strides in his speech/language development once he gets tubes. I know I'm not an ENT, but I am a Speech-Language Pathologist, so if you ever have any questions regarding speech/language feel free to ask. You are a great mom!

annie and jared said...

gosh goldie- how stressful! I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of that, I would be a wreck as well. I hope his surgery goes well and everything resolves! It sounds like the problem really is because of the ear infections and fluid build-up in his ears. good luck with everything.

Nicole said...

Goldie

Good luck with everything. I am so sorry for the anxiety you must be feeling. I am sure that everything will turn out fine. If it does turn out to be more serious I have a friend who you could talk to. If you want to call me and I can give you her story and background or just talk. My email is nlee82804@gmail.com just email me and We can exchange numbers there rather than where the whole world can see.

sarah said...

goldie. i'm so sorry you're going through this. from one worrier to another, i sympathize. i have heard that the tubes are pretty common (not that that makes it any better), and that it truly can improve hearing almost instantly... i know it will for cute little jax.
hang in there. he's lucky to have you for his mama.

Andrew and Jenna said...

Not sure if this will help you at all or make you feel better, but I am almost 100% deaf in my left ear and had tubes in it when I was younger. They really helped, but for some reason my doctor took them out a few years after they were put in, probably thinking I'd be able to hear in that ear, but no such luck. I am planning on getting them put back in. I've always had ear problems, from the time I was a baby. Infection after infection and my mom rushing me to the hospital. It's such a blessing that you're finding this out early because there are so many things doctors can do now that couldn't be done before. We'll be praying for you and we know that Jax is gonna be just fine!

Beck said...

Hang in there Goldie. Im so sorry that is happening. Everything will work out. If you ever need anything please let us know.

Jonny and Suzette Baird said...

Goldie, I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say other than Jax is in our prays and I am so sorry. I love you.

Heather Lee said...

oh Goldie, you are such a great mom...and I know you know that. But don't worry, when Holland wasn't walking I was kind of doing the same thing...blaming myself for maybe taking her shopping one too many times in the stroller instead of letting her exercise. I don't know why we do it to ourselves, no one else is blaming us. BUT I am so glad you have figured this out early! He's still a youngin' and he'll be talking in no time. My little niece has to get tubes in her ears too and my sister-in-law felt a lot like you, and you both are fabulous mom's. I know everything will clear up and once he's not trying to hear you like he's basically under water he'll be listening to your many commands=) We'll be praying for you guys! Oh and with the induction...I was always on Chase's side of things, but I don't know what it's like to go over due...so I think you're in a better position to make that decision.

Kelsey, Greg, and Olivia said...

Gold,
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this right now. I would be a wreck too. I guess that worrying is just part of being a mom. We will be praying for you and Jax. I hope everything is okay. Good luck with his surgery and everything else. You'll have to keep us updated on everything.

roryandashley said...

Hi Goldie- I think maybe we met once at church in Highland or something (I'm Rory's wife), but I actually randomly clicked on your blog from Karyn's. Anyway, even though I don't know you (weird as it may be) I just wanted to let you know that I was that little girl that couldn't hear her mama and had to get tubes in her ears. Fortunately you son is only 14 months, I was almost 5 years old. I have had no hearing problems since. Anyway, I just wanted to give you some encouragement.

kennan said...

gj.... this sucks. jude had tubes and had no complications and grets will be getting them shortly. the procedure is a breeze! i have heard so many cases of kids having hearing issues and then having tubes put in and then they are hearing/talking fools. i'll be thinking of you guys.

goes to show that mommy knows best and that her intuition is NEVER wrong.

xo

Jobi Niu said...

YOu're such a sweet Mom! I have a strong Testimony of The Priesthood, and I know that miracles can happen and that everything will be ok. How freaking cute is Jax? My goodness.. Keep us updated.

leah said...

I found your blog through google. It is always stressful when you have to hand your little one over for surgery, even if it is a minor procedure! Our little guy has a permanent loss and has had problems with fluid on top of it. Even if your little one has a permanent hearing problem, technology is so good today that it is easily overcome! I wish you luck and I hope that everything is just caused by fluid.

Austin and Andrea said...

Ohhh Goldie that made me sooo sad. I'm so sorry.... that is scary! I hope the surgery goes well, and that he is able to hear better after!!! You are such a good mom!!

brooke c jackson said...

Goldie-
I am so sorry for all of this stress.

Jax is so lucky to have a Mama so in-tune. I pray all goes well. He is the cutest white haired little smoosh I have ever met.

ScottandKristenJohnson said...

I just talked to you, but Beckster just had tubes today and is doing really good!! So best of luck to you! I will be thinking of you!

Summer said...

Goldie, I feel so bad that you have been going through so much lately. I always look at your blogg page and think that you are the worlds best mom. I have had the same problems with Dakota not talking when he should and always comparing him to everyone elses kids, but at least now you know that there is a reason and I am sure that the tubes will help dramatically. I had tubes put in when I was a baby and I have never had any other complications and that was 23 years ago. Don't stress too much (like that is possible) because you need to take care of the little baby inside of you too!