A Weird Day

Yesterday I had a weird day.  It started out normal.  I had three students who are homeschooled that I tutored in the morning.  I was feeling great until about the last 10 minutes of the third student.  He was reading to me and all of a sudden my vision began to blur.  I had what I can only explain as a bunch of bright, blindspots in front of my eyes.  I was reading with him and couldn't really see the book anymore.  

We finished up about 15 minutes later, and I seemed fine.  I drove back to my mom's to pick-up Jax.  When I got there I went outside to talk with my mom and Amber.  My vision seemed fine, but all of a sudden I couldn't speak.  It was like my memory of words was totally gone.  I couldn't get one sentence out.  I would spit out a few random words that had nothing to do with what I was trying to say.  They both stared at me like I was crazy.  This was the absolute craziest feeling in the world.

I was trying to remember Amber's little boy Milo's name and couldn't for the life of me.  Then, I walked inside and picked up a Ritz cracker and had to ask my mom what it was called because I wanted to know and couldn't think of the name.  And, for some reason I was so concerned about what the name of one of my parent's neighbors was that I couldn't remember.  It was freaky.

But, about 15 minutes later, I was speaking fine and the word memory loss and slurred speech were gone.  All the while, I had this POUNDING headache that couldn't be controlled.  So, after my vision and speech seem to be okay, my right hand goes completely numb.  I was still holding some crackers with my right hand and couldn't find my mouth with the numb hand.  Not to mention, about 5 minutes later, the right side of my nose went entirely numb.  Very strange.

Well, after about another 15 minutes, the numbing was gone and all that remained was the splitting headache.  The headache stayed for a few hours.  Nothing else came back.  Chase called me during his lunch break, and I told him about all these weird things that happened.  He told me I needed to call my doctor immediately.  So, I did.

I talked to the nurse and explained the situation.  She then talked to my doctor and called me back.  They had me go to the hospital for a Non-Stress Test (NST).  So, I left Jax with my mom and headed to Labor and Delivery.  I was there for about an hour and a half.  They hooked me up to a bunch of machines to watch me and the baby.  They drew my blood - and I didn't even cry (which is big for me)!  

After monitoring me for an hour, everything with the NST was totally normal, which makes it even more strange.  However, all of these things are possible symptoms for preeclampsia.  Oh, yay.  But, my blood pressure is totally normal so, I don't have preeclampsia - just all the weirdness that goes with it, I guess.  I didn't want there to be a problem, but there is nothing that can embarrass you like having a dramatic entrance to Labor and Delivery and leaving with a clean bill of health.

The doctor told me to very carefully monitor for any of these symptoms if they return, since preeclampsia can only be cured by delivery and means that you have to have your baby early so nobody is at risk.  I seriously never have health issues.  I never get sick.  But, I feel like lately it is just one health thing after another!  Hopefully these symptoms don't return and the preeclampsia doesn't come in full swing.  I would really love for Ben to stay in my belly as long as possible...of course that means not a MINUTE after his due date!


My Poor Baby

Today has been a rough day.  My head aches from crying too much.  My eyes are puffy and bright red.

Jax had an appointment with Dr. Heidi Hares (who I LOVED) - an ear, nose, and throat specialist - today.  He has had 5 ear infections in the last 6 months.  The current ear infection he has has been the never ending one.  He has taken two oral antibiotics and received 5 shots to try and take care of it.  No luck.  So, today we had our consultation with the ENT Specialist to talk about getting tubes in his ears.

When Jax was born he failed the hearing test in the hospital.  I was a nervous wreck when this happened.  Although it happens to 10% of newborn babies who can hear perfectly, I just couldn't believe that my baby failed the hearing test.  We took the little man home awaiting his 2nd test ten days after he was born.  Chase gave him a blessing that he would be okay and that his ears would work, and I am convinced that is why ten days later Jax was hearing perfectly.

Well, with all the ear infection difficulty we have been having and everyone telling me how it can cause hearing loss and speech delay, I have been very concerned with Jax's hearing.  The anxiety I felt when I found out he failed the newborn hearing test all came back.  The last few days I have just really felt that he can't hear me.  I have felt like he doesn't respond to commands, doesn't look at me when I say his name, and is saying no words.  I am the biggest worrier out there, but I felt like my worries had some merit with his history.

So, today we went to the ENT doctor.  My pediatrician referred me to get tubes in Jax's ears.  But, I wanted to go for two reasons:  1 - to have a conciliation/schedule surgery for tubes and 2 - to have Jax take a hearing test.

The doctor and all the nurses were great.  Everything about the place was great - except the most important thing.  Jax was first given the hearing test.  He failed.  In his left ear he failed completely.  His right ear failed, but is a little better than his left.  I lost it when the nurse told me that news.  I was right.  My little baby wasn't hearing me.  He isn't talking because he can't hear a word I am saying.

Although this news has ruined my day, it doesn't mean that Jax is deaf.  It doesn't mean he is never going to be able to hear or talk.  The hearing test Jax was given today is the same test newborns are given.  The machine sounds a few beeps in the ear and records whether the cochlea  is responding.  Because Jax failed the test, his cochlea is obviously not responding.  But, this is most likely because there is a large amount of puss and fluid behind his eardrum.  

In 2 weeks Jax will have to go to the "Same Day Surgery" part of the hospital for his tubes.  I know that SO many kids get tubes and that it really isn't too big of a deal.  However, I have been so emotional about it because this isn't the first time he has failed the hearing test.  But, at the same time knowing that he did pass when he was ten days old gives me confidence that he is going to be okay.

I just feel so bad for this little guy.  In 6 days he will be 15 months old.  He should be talking and understanding me when I talk.  But, he isn't.  He isn't because he hears nothing I am saying.   I feel like I have been getting worked up the last few months over him not being as "advanced" with talking and obeying commands as other babies his age.  I have felt like I need to talk to him more than I do because he isn't talking back.  I have felt almost embarrassed when other moms with babies the same age show off all the words their baby knows and all the commands they can preform.  I have felt like my baby was behind.  And, of course, I have felt like it was my fault.

All of this made me feel bad that I have been working about 12 hours a week with other people's kids, and that I should have been trying to teach him things instead of tutoring other people's kids.  But, I guess that is the job of a mom - to be concerned about your baby and care about your baby.

But, now my feelings have changed.  I no longer am worried about the competition of whose baby is smarter, whose baby can say more words, whose baby can do more.  I am sure that Jax has felt none of the pressure.  I sure hope not.  He is the happiest, best baby in the world.  He hasn't seemed to complain at all.  I feel terrible that I have been trying so hard to get Jax to act out commands I give him and to say words when he can't even hear me!!

All my emotional feelings aside, I know everything is going to be okay.  I know that the blessing that Chase gave Jax 15 months ago is still with him.  I know that his hearing is going to be okay.  I am very anxious for May 5th.  The doctor told me that he should be hearing better and possibly even talking within 2 weeks of the surgery.  I hope that she is right.


To Induce or Not to Induce?

You might think it is a little premature to be thinking about being induced, but it's time.  I went to the doctor yesterday, and he told me that at my next appointment they would schedule my induction if I wanted.  I have moved up in the pregnancy world and am now having appointments with the doc every two weeks.  So, I have 12 days now to decide.

On your second baby my doctor will induce you a week early.  Ahh, a week less of pregnancy.  How wonderful!  And, in my case, it could actually be saving me 12 days of pregnancy if I follow the same schedule as I did with Jax.  To anyone carrying an extra 20 pounds, that sounds like the greatest thing in the world.

My doctor told me that you usually do the same thing you did with your last baby, just with a faster delivery.  With Jax I went 5 days over my due date.  I am not exactly looking to do that again.  I signed up for 9 months.  No longer.

So, I asked the doctor the risks of induction.  He said that since they only induce you a week early, there are pretty much no risks for the baby.  The only risk is that your cervix isn't ready, doesn't do anything, and you have to have a c-section.  Not really interested in that.

Chase doesn't think that I should be induced.  He thinks that the baby will come when it is ready - even if that is a few days after the doctor says your due.  He just thinks it is best to let it happen naturally.  I can't decide.

We will be going on a little weekend family reunion with Chase's family the weekend I could be induced.  Don't worry, we will only be 45 minutes from my hospital.  So, I would schedule my induction for either Sunday June 28th - just 3 days before my due date or Monday, June 29th - just 2 days before my due date.  But, like I said, I have a history of going over.

So, the question is: to induce or not to induce?  SHould I just stick it out for another week?  Or, should I kiss this pregnant belly goodbye as soon as possible in the miserable summer heat? Any suggestions?


Easter Egg Hunt

Chase's mom put out some Easter eggs for Jax and Char to find on Easter.  They both took their little Easter baskets out and hit the hunt.  Char obediently walked around gathering eggs and putting them in her basket.  Jax, on the other hand, found out that the eggs had candy in them and one was enough - as you can tell from the chocolate on his face.  Char had to help him fill his Easter basket so he didn't go home empty handed.  What a sweet cousin!!
He found the M&Ms inside!!!


Happy Easter

Every year we go to the annual Carlson Easter Party the Saturday before Easter.  It was, as always, wonderful.  It was quite a difficult trip down to Price.  Jax pooed all over his clothes at Chase's work just before we left.  Then, he threw up all over himself while we were driving up Spanish Fork Canyon.  But, once we finally arrived, things went a little more smoothly.
Jax and Char
The Easter Bunny himself.  Obviously Jax had to show up to the Easter party in a bunny suit.  What kind of Easter party doesn't have an Easter Bunny?
Chase and the Easter Bunny



I think I'm "nesting".  Yep, just 6 1/2 months along and already in the "nesting" stage.  Last week I set-up Ben's bassinet.  In real life it is even cuter.  Chase thinks I am ridiculous getting the new nursery ready 3 months in advance.  But, what can I say?

Jax never slept in a bassinet, but Ben is going to for a little while so that poor little Jax doesn't have to get kicked out of his crib at 17 months.  I just couldn't bring myself to buy another crib.  I love walking into Ben's future room and seeing this set-up already.  It makes me giddy.

As for the nesting, I think it is in full effect.  A few weeks ago Chase and I were at Costco, and I tried to buy some newborn diapers.  Chase wasn't having it.  He thought this was crossing the line.  He couldn't understand why in the world I thought it was necessary to have newborn diapers to store for 3 months.  You can never be too prepared, right?