Jax is 6 months old today. I seriously can't believe it! Six months and four days ago (my due date), I honestly didn't think I would survive another day. I felt huge, uncomfortable, unable to sleep, and just plain mad that it was my due date and my little baby didn't want to come yet. My mom always reminds me of the day before I had Jax if I ever mention that I already want another baby - I was laying on a chair at her house about ready to snap! I was 3 days over and day four past the due date was just a few hours away. That is one night that I would love to forget.
My life has changed SO much in the last 6 months. I think that while I was pregnant I just focused too much on how huge I was getting to really realize what was about to come. When I thought about having Jax, I just thought about all the little newborns I had held. For some reason, I never really gave much thought to actually taking care of a baby. I was quite shocked at how much work it was! It is a full-time job!
After about 2 weeks I think I started to get a mild case of postpartum depression, but it didn't last that long. I think it came on when Chase and I were talking about our "new" life one day. We were driving somewhere and he said, "I LOVE Jax so much and am so happy that we have him, but isn't it kinda sad that it's not just me and you anymore?" It kinda made me a little bit sad to that think that the days of just me and Chase were over. I didn't really get too worked up about it, but that night as I was going to sleep I couldn't help but cry a little as I said goodbye to that.
Although I felt sad for a little while, I have never been more happy than I have been in the last 6 months. Just last week I had a conversation with my mother-in-law that made me understand my feelings a little bit more. We were talking about how it is so hard to close chapters of our lives. It is such an emotional thing to say goodbye to a chapter in our life that we have loved so much. But, as I talked to her about this, she said something that really made me understand why I felt a little sad while deep down I was happier than I have ever been. She said that it is hard to close chapters in our lives. But, the awesome thing about life is that there are an endless amount of chapters. When one chapter ends, there is another that immediately follows.
I have been thinking about that a lot, and it makes me so happy. While it was a little hard to close the chapter of just me and Chase, starting the new parenting chapter has been even more exciting than I could have ever imagined. Jax has made our lives so much better. It just feels like I have more purpose now. As this new chapter of our lives is just beginning, I already want to add to it! Jax is just too cute to not want to have more like him. I am crazy, but would love nothing more than to get pregnant again! :)
Jax is so strong now! Check out that neck action! He is officially a master of the "creep". I guess this is the stage that comes before full-blown crawling. He rolls onto his tummy, raises his little bum in the air and scoots forward. It is so cute. I made the mistake of leaving him on my bed one day and found him barely hanging on just 2 minutes later. Gotta keep an eye on those creepers!!
Here is the creep in action!